Face It Friday: Unhealthy Thoughts & A Loss

Face It Friday... iittt'ssss bbaacckkk!!!!

Oh hey there friends! :)

While visiting the BFF in Utah this past week, I shared with everyone the need to return to the Face It Friday accountability posts. I already know that I will be adjusting which day of the week I weigh in over the holiday season, but I have committed to myself and you all to weigh in each week no matter what.

During my visit to Salt Lake City, I didn't track or weigh/measure. Rather I focused on my food choices, hitting at least 100oz of water a day, passing 10k steps a day on my Fitbit and keeping my run streak alive.

On my run on Monday, I had a tough go of it from a mental standpoint. It went to a very unhealthy place. So let's set the scene.

I headed out for a 4-miler while the BFF was at work and her husband was watching the kiddos. She set out a perfect course for me. Seriously this girl has a spot-on internal GPS.

During the run, I was having some wardrobe malfunctions. Not like Janet Jackson type issues, but ones that were just distracting. My shirt and jacket were riding up while my skirt/shorts were riding down. It was making me uncomfortable and irrationally angry. I even screamed out loud mid-run.

I've had many a wardrobe annoyance, but on this day it took a darker path in my mind.

For those that don't know I have battled with eating disorders and thankfully have (for the most part) kept them in check since joining Weight Watchers in 2009. 

So when the annoyances started, my mind started racing:

  1. Okay when you get back - no eating the rest of the day. You have to lose weight and eating the way you have is NOT going to get you there.
  2. Remember how people complimented you when you were going through that phase. It worked like a charm.
  3. Maybe I can eat but then throw up. That way no one will suspect, but I can work on losing those 20 lbs.

While the mind went to the negative place, thankfully the voice of reason popped in. I don't know where it came from or how it was able to speak louder than the other voices, but it did.

Here's how the rest of the internal convo/thoughts went:

* THAT was stupid talk. You KNOW that is unhealthy. WW (Weight Watchers) has been successful for you and taught you that eating well with splurges can lead to success.

* You don't HAVE to immediately go to such a negative place when the weight creeps back. 

* Pull yourself together. You are smarter than the disorders. You know what you need to do so do it.

* Trust yourself.

* Oh hi puppy! 

* Love yourself.

* Puppy come play with me! I love you!!!!! <<runs after puppy that is disinterested>>

* Remember you have done it before and you can do it again.

By the end of the run, I was back to my normal self. I had acknowledged the unhealthy thoughts, rationalized them away and came up with a healthy alternative.


For those that battle demons, you understand the daily struggle. They can creep up and catch you off guard at any point in time. 

BUT we are stronger than them. We CAN succeed.

Outside of the internal struggle, the run was great. Weather was perfect and course was flat.

Overall the trip to Utah was great. I was able to catch up with my BFF, snuggle some kiddos (3 year old & 3 week old) & catch up on sleep (oh hey 5-straight nights of 8+ hours of sleep).

So when I returned late Tuesday night, I made a promise to myself. I wanted to get back to my healthy streaks. I love checking things off.

There is no day like today, right?

Between now and Jan 1, I am hoping to keep all of the above streaks alive. Yes today is Day 1 of core work.

So this morning I woke up and faced the scale.

Down 1.1 lbs. Woo! I will take it. Happy to see that even just bringing some awareness back into my world was a success. 

Today is Day 1 of my WW weeks and I love looking at a fresh start.

Here I am. Working towards making tracking a habit again and putting myself first.

I've done it before (once, twice, 1,000 times), I am ready to do it again.

And you know what? I will keep fighting every day for a healthier me. 


Because I - and YOU - are worth it!