I have been struggling for awhile physically and mentally with my weight loss/weight maintenance journey for awhile now. That is no surprise.
The ups and downs over the last year-plus since leaving my job as a Weight Watchers leader and joining the office job world.
Emotional Eating. Sitting for hours. Depression. All took their toll on my journey. I wasn't strong enough to battle them all at once and fell on bad habits.
You all read on here how I would try to right the ship and not stick to it and try again.
Well after doing some soul searching over the first month of the year, I decided to stop trying and bailing and give my 100% effort in finding "me" again.
This was really kickstarted when I went to Disneyland for the Run Disney races and had an amazing time. I saw my West Coast friends and felt my inner meter being recharged with hope and love.
Maybe this means I need to make this trip monthly???? ;)
Being surrounded by this love and positivity led to the above mentioned soul searching.
Why was I continuing down this path of despair? I have goals. I have dreams. I deserve to be as happy as I once was.
So while in DC for work I decided on my next steps to start this latest chapter in my journey:
1) Booze free month - we all know I love a post-run beer. Well there have been too many recently and my body and mind could use a little detox. The plan for now is to break it on the day I run my 50th career Half - Feb 26.
2) Increase Water Intake - I used to be a PRO at downing 100oz a water a day... minimum! Well recently it's been too much coffee and beer and not enough water. Therefore the 100oz water a day challenge is back!
3) SLEEP - I have been seriously lacking in this department and it showing up in all aspects of my life. Rest is something I've been craving... as has the wife. Now we are instituting a new bed time and a bed time routine.
4) Blog - I am going to start another streak where I blog every day for the month of February. It was such a joy in October so I am ready to do it again. Plus I still have a ton of races from 2016 to catch up on.
5) Rejoined WW - This is a big one! I've been away from the program for almost a year and I've been missing the community. The meetings were a cornerstone to my success for so long. Now I had to take a break for me after leaving as an employee. I needed to let go of some bitterness, forgive those who did me wrong and refocus WHY WW meant so much to me. Well I have come to that point and on Wednesday I rejoined WW as a paying member. I started tracking immediately to start getting a handle on the new plan.
Today was the day I walked back into the meeting room I spent so much time leading in. I actually walked back into the very meeting I led for quite some time.
I figured many of the members I had would've moved on, but either way I wasn't ashamed. I had welcomed hundreds of members back and knew I'd have the same reception.
So after my morning Strength Training class, I headed to Dunkin to buy my post weigh-in coffee and gave myself a pep talk in the car.
I was proud of myself for putting this on Social Media. Throughout my weight loss journey, social media played a LARGE role and I knew it would again.
I walked in and was greeted by a big hug my friend and the Leader, Tara. Oh it was good to see her. She said she had a sense I would be in. She agreed to weigh me in and it was the gentle reassuring person I needed in that moment.
I didn't get my weigh-in outfit. I didn't skip drinking water during my workout. I didn't skip my banana. I walked in and stepped on the scale in what I was wearing and with whatever I ate/drank in my belly.
Well I did pee first... c'mom I'm human. ;)
The number was tough to swallow. I haven't seen that number in years.
Please note my WW starting weight was 217.4, but my highest weight was 235.
Well I accepted the number and I had an odd calm sense about it. I didn't immediately want to emotionally eat. I didn't want to cry. I don't know what has happened over the last week, but I like it. I'm feeling less anxious than I have in well over a year.
I hugged Tara, took my new materials and my oatmeal sample and sat down. Wow it was nice to be in a familiar place. I spotted a couple of my former members, but no one made a deal of me being in the room. We all know what it is like to be a member.
I enjoyed the meeting. I didn't think about what I would do if I was Tara. I soaked it in. I laughed. I clapped. I participated. I released.
The anger and bitterness were gone as I mentioned. But I could really feel like they were gone.
This was what I needed.
After the meeting I told Tara I would see her next week, thanked her and gave her another hug.
I will be back. I have marked that time on my calendar. My new Friday routine is in place.
So tonight as I sit in bed, I start my research on the new plan. It will take some getting used to. I will tweak it to fit me like I always did.
But since this journey is more about feeling than the number on the scale I have vowed to myself to only weigh-in at the meeting. Removing that little voice in the back of my mind.
Tonight the wife took some pics for me.
I always hide from mirrors so it has been awhile since confronted with what is under my clothes and sparkle skirts.
I wasn't pleased, but I didn't cry. I didn't want to run. I wanted to use it as fuel. In 2015 I was in the best shape of my life and my goal is to get back to that feeling of being lean and mean.
But for now I will take it one choice at a time...