After the last WW meeting we attended, I was feeling overall really positive of how the journey was going. My journey of getting back to feeling like my old self: balanced and strong!
Well it is as if the world felt I needed a punch to the stomach and I was immediately faced with 2-straight weeks of high anxiety, deep inner sadness and a bout of emotional eating. I was seriously feeling drained during the entire 2 weeks. During this time, I opted to skip out on the WW meeting on 26 Jan as I really just wanted a morning of sleep, self care and I didn’t want to see the scale. I didn’t want to look like I was hiding form the scale, but I just needed one freakin morning to do nothing. Luckily the wife was behind me and said it was okay to not go to the meeting.
But I took that day to try and at least reclaim tracking. I had stopped tracking for the 3 days of the highest anxiety period (23-25 Jan). I didn’t want to let the slide continue though because I knew the emotional eating wouldn’t solve anything. Our WW week starts on Saturday (since that is when we weigh-in) so with a fresh set of points, I set out to track everything the last week and try to control at least 1 thing: what I put into my mouth. I felt like everything else was out of my control during this period.
I committed to tracking - even if it was an emotional eating spiral - I’d still own it. Well that happened on Thursday (31 Jan). What I know is it would’ve been WORSE had I not weighed, measured and tracked that entire day of trying to settle my feeling of void with food.
What happened this past week shocked me. I ended the week with points left over. For those that don’t know every week since we got to Amsterdam I have been in the negative with points. That means I ate all my daily points, weekly points, fitpoints (activity) and then some. As we can see (since I have lost 15lbs/7kg) that you can go into the negative and still lose weight. But somehow this week I had points left over. That gave me a real sense of pride. I had been able to curb the emotional eating and recover.
Please note during these past 2 weeks, I tried ALL of the options in my toolkit for dealing with my emotions/anxiety, but nothing was working. It was that high a point.
So on Friday (1 Feb), I committed to going to the WW meeting and gather up the encouragement, love and support from the meeting and its members. I really didn’t care what the number on the scale said. I wanted to go through the action of stepping on the scale to put an end to the last 2 weeks and try to tell my brain and body that we are freed from the last 2 weeks of anxiety and that it is time to release what was holding me back inside.
I hopped on the home scale (well not hopped that might break it ;)) and say I was 0,4kg heavier than 2 weeks before. Okay okay I could live with that. We headed to the meeting and I was fully ready to accept the gain that I was expecting. It is just a number and you know what during a ride with Christine the week before I had that reminder. I am more than the number on the scale or as Christine said “the smaller pants size.”
I just needed the reminder that I do the WW journey for my overall health and well-being: physically and mentally.
Time for my three positives:
Owned, weighed and tracked an emotional eating day on Thursday
For the first time in a year I ended the week with extra points left over (I’m always in the negative)
Tried on a pair of shorts from 2017 and THEY FIT again!!
So I step on the scale at the WW Studio and you know what? I was DOWN! Ummm okay. Thanks WW scale. I will take this and quickly run away before you decide to change your mind. ;)
Total Lost: 68,2 lbs/30,9 kg (50,6 lbs/22,9 kg with WW)
Current weight: 166,8 lbs (75,7 kg)
Heaviest (recorded) weight: 235 lbs (106,6 kg)
Weight Watchers Start weight: 217,4 lbs (98,6 kg)
Goal weight: 155 lbs (70,3 kg)
Lowest weight: 150,2 lbs (68,1 kg)
Well hot damn!! That brings me 11.8 lbs/5,4 kg to goal. It also takes me to the lowest number I’ve seen on the scale since August 2017 (166.4lbs/75,5kg). That would be to a time where I had only taken 1 trip to Amsterdam and before the monthly trips to Amsterdam/moving here. That makes the shorts comment from up above all make sense. ;) haha
To say this made me emotional is an understatement. I am feeling leaner and stronger for the first time since back in August 2017 when I finished my second half ironman. Maybe this was the breakthrough I needed to keep fighting to free that girl buried deep down inside me now.
But this doesn’t happen alone. I don’t reach milestones alone. I always have a crew/tribe/support system behind me. When I looked at the weekly handout, I was reminded how important they truly are!
I have to thank:
My amazing wife who without I would not have the strength to keep starting over when I fall.
The fantastic support crew at the WW English meeting who know how difficult it is to keep moving forward on this journey, but also navigating ExPatLife
Our WW coach Thera who shows me each meeting that I can keep moving forward
The two people that let me text them daily for WW accountability - Linds and Margaret
The online community on social media that push me to keep going and remind me that I am making a difference both in my own life and those around me
I go into this week with a fuller heart and a small goal to complete 1 act of self-care each day even if it is as small as giving myself a hug.
Who is in your corner as you tackle your journey (whatever it may be)?