This concept crossed my mind during my Spin class on Saturday: Am I allowed to call myself an athlete or am I merely posing as one? I consider myself an athlete, but when I read other people’s blogs/tweets/Facebook posts about their workouts I feel like a complete poser. I can’t do a pull-up to save my life. I cannot do 100 pushups. I cannot lift my own body weight.
I always wonder if people read my blog posts/tweets/Facebook posts and think, “Wow! She could’ve done a lot more today.” “She only went to a 50 min Spin class. She should’ve stayed for another.”
I go to the gym and do what I like to do. Spin classes. Dates with Ms. Stairmaster. Hit up a Zumba class. Attempt to lift what I can.
Side Note: Any sort of upper body workouts frighten me because I hate going down to the free weights level of the gym. I am completely self conscious about how little I can lift due to a past car accident that left my left shoulder pretty weak. I always think people are staring at me. I know I know. They aren’t but still. I feel like Sunny from the Biggest Loser episode a couple weeks back.
When I was at the Lululemon store buying some more workout clothes, I wondered if the people in the store thought I was worthy to be buying the clothes. If they thought I worked out enough to wear their brand.
I know. Most of this is in my head. I shouldn’t compare myself to others. I am doing the best that I can right now. I am pushing myself as far as I can especially as my back still heals from the surgery in January. I need to remember that everyone is on their own fitness/weight loss journey.
Basically … it comes down to the fat girl mentality that I can’t shake. That feeling of not being comfortable in my own skin. I guess the more I confront it – the more it will start to fade away.
Cause you know what I can do? I can run 13.1 miles and survive. I can hold a plank for 110 seconds, where in August it was just 60 seconds. I can rock a Spin class, where as a few months ago I was too embarassed to even step foot into a Spin studio. I can attend a Zumba class and not die of embarassment when I catch my reflection in the mirror. I can ... do whatever I put my mind to.
Do you consider me an athlete or a poser? I consider myself ... me!