I rarely look in the mirror.
I have never been of fan of the activity.
I also rarely liked what was looking back at me.
Especially in the before embarking on my weight loss journey.
I was never very good at self love.
I was/am a master of pointing out of my flaws.
So I have and still avoid looking into mirrors.
I will say I have come leaps and bounds since I started really working on loving myself - faults and all - in 2009. But I still have a ways to go.
In August 2015, I was in my cousin's wedding and it was one of the rare times in my life where i have felt beautiful. I felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn't harp on the faults.
But since that day I haven't felt that way again. It has been a negative field day in my head and my confidence has been beat down by outside factors.
I have been struggling to get back to the feeling I had that day of everything being okay. The faults were okay.
And I finally reclaimed that today.
As I prepared for my Tedy's Team teammate and friend Larissa's wedding, the feeling I had from last year started to build back up.
I really have to thank my friends especially Page, Susan and Heather for helping me get to that point with assistance on accessories and hair.
For the first time ever I used Rent The Runway for a dress. It was nerve-wracking having to trust that the sizes would work. But for no additional charge I was able to have 2 sizes sent to me. AND had neither fit they would've overnighted me another option. That calmed a few of my nerves.
The dress came on Thursday night and one of the 2 sizes fit. Thank you baby Jesus.
So on Saturday after my morning race with Susan and the Happy Soles, I headed home to shower and get everything in order. Page had helped me out with shoes, a pashmina and a bracelet. Susan hooked me up with a clutch. Heather offered to do my hair for free since "the State Room needed more than just hair down." :)
Just around 4pm it was finally time to put the whole look together...
Oh my gosh I couldn't believe it. I was in that place where I really felt beautiful - faults and all.
It helped to have the most amazing wife on my arm to soothe the nerves I had.
PS Doesn't she look goooood??? :) :)
And the room was filled with amazing love, support and the best teammates a girl could ask for.
While it shouldn't take a fancy dress and a hair do to make me feel like the awesome person that I am, it is one of those times that reminds me I am WORTH feeling that way. That I am CAPABLE of feeling that way. That I DESERVE to feel that way.
It is the kick in the pants I need to get back to focusing on the self-care and self-love I have been striving for. I remind myself that i was self-loathing and mean to myself for 30 years, the change can't happen overnight. But working each day at it helps.
So remember my friends YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL whether you have just come in from a sweaty run, are wearing the same PJs for the past 4 days because the baby won't sleep, you are dressed up to go to a gala or you are sick in bed.