This past week was about perspective.
I had been in an emotional rut, which I was letting get to me. It led to emotional eating. It led to me feeling less than. It led to feel unworthy.
It was a spiral that I had been on many a time. And I am sure it will occur again.
But something happened last Sunday to snap me out of it.
On Saturday (February 13), I attempted to help my wife carry an awkward box in from the car. Damn you IKEA boxes. ;) While carrying the box, I felt something tweak in my back. Dammit! Okay I thought it would pass. I have had this happen before every since back surgery in January 2011.
On Sunday, I woke up, got dressed and was about to head to the treadmill to knock out a 12-mile training run when the smoke alarm went off. Oops the wife was cooking. ;) I quickly leaped into action to get a bag and elastic to cover the smoke detector so it would stop scaring the dogs. As I went to carry a chair over to the hallway, I felt one of the most painful sharp pains I have ever felt in my life. I fell to the ground in tears. I couldn't move. I couldn't figure out what was happening. Once I got my bearing, I used the chair to stand up, move to the bedroom and get in the horizontal position ASAP.
And with that the week changed. I was no longer fretting over work problems or who said what on social media. I was focused on the shooting pain in my back and ruining our Valentine's Day plans. :( Thankfully my wife is one of the best people I know and she was there to help.
At first I had to send her away because I needed a moment to try and work through the thoughts running through my head.
We started the process: 24-48 hours of ice before moving to heat. Oof! It hurt to sit, but I could be horizontal or vertical without pain.
Thank goodness I could work from home for the week and take advantage of my standing desk and being able to ice or heat whenever I needed it.
Once again my body was fighting what my mind wanted it to do. It is a scary thing when that happens.
I knew my activity level would drastically decrease.
At the same time of this happening, I got my period. Yay!
So now I was battling pain in my front and my back at the same time. At one point I actually had sticky heating pads on both sides of me. It was at that point that I could do nothing, but laugh. Right?
I focused on stretching, moving how I could (walking) and using my grabber as much as possible. Thank goodness we held on to the grabber from my surgery.
I was still able to keep the run streak alive by walking on the treadmill first and then listening to my body through 2 easy miles. I even hit the 200 miles run in 2016 mark during that time.
People said how can you run through this. Well my back didn't hurt if I was moving or vertical. It hurt when I would try to tie my shoes or bend over to pick something up that I dropped.
The pain lessened each day. Enough so that I could attend my Weight Watchers meeting this week, which my mind and soul needed.
But that distraction helped curb the emotional eating. I needed to focus on my health and getting back to a place where I could move normally.
Now since this week was also the Time Of The Month I did overindulge in some Hershey Kisses but I made sure to track them all.
Since I wasn't sleeping well I opted to sleep in on Friday. I totally forgot to set the alarm and my body actually didn't wake me up.
So I moved the weigh-in to today (February 20). I wanted to skip it because I knew it would be a gain, but what comes of that? Nothing. At least stepping on the scale would show me what damage was done, accept it and move on. Instead of letting the number grow and grow in my mind.
And when I stepped on the scale this morning my suspicions were confirmed...
1 lb gain
Current weight: 168.6
Heaviest weight: 235
Weight Watchers Start Weight: 217.4
Goal Weight: 155
Lowest Weight: 150.2
I was okay with it. I saw the number, marked it down and moved on. I am tired of being in the 160s, but it won't happen over night. There is nothing I can do about it right now besides focus on getting back to a place where I am happy and content.
But as soon as I got off of the scale I made the following picture my background.
Because self-care and self-love have become my main focus. When THOSE are working, I feel right.
And I am freakin' awesome! I just need to remind myself of that.
So for this week I continue to focus on doing what makes me happy. This past week while sidelined from my normal activity load I was able to catch up on blogging and it made me so happy. Taking that time to think back on races and places I've traveled was therapy for the soul.
Blogging has become a huge part of my life over the past 5 years and when it doesn't happen, I know I am not in a good place. When I blog consistently, I am in a better mindset. It's a pattern I recognize and need to keep in the forefront of my mind.
Well there ya have it. Here is what's been going on the past week.
So what's up with everyone else? Are you facing the scale? Listening to your clothes? Focusing on self-care?