Monday night is Spin night. I attend the 7:30pm class at the BSC (Boston Sports Club) near my house (Wellington Circle location) with my friends Lindsey and Beth. I look forward to it each week. The instructor Kim is amazing and has become a friend. Plus, she plays Willow Smith's Whip My Hair Back And Forth whenever I request it. I love that song and make sure to wear the hair in a ponytail rather than a bun for those classes.
Yesterday was Monday, which means last night was Monday night ... and Spin.
I counted down the hours til Spin all day long.
I clipped into the bike at 7:30pm and was ready to rock. Class started and the legs felt dead. You know you have those days, right?
Well it got into my head. As we are pushing through some jumps on a hill (thanks Kim! :P), I sat down from a jump, cranked the resistance up, put my head down and just pushed my legs as steady as I could.
The mind was wondering so I needed to work through what was happening.
As the legs felt heavy, this question popped into my head:
Can I Do It?
You may be wondering: was it the royal it or something specific?
In that moment in time, it was that little Half Ironman in September I signed up for - The Pumpkinman Half Ironman on September 7.
If I was having trouble focusing and pushing through a Spin class, how could I expect myself to get through that athletic feat.
It sets off a domino effect of questions:
*Why did you sign up for it?
*Why did you think you were strong enough to even consider attempting it?
*How could you waste so much hard earned money?
*Why does it feel like your friends have such an easier time with the training than you?
*If you are having a hard time waking up for runs now, how will you feel when the workouts double?
*Do you really expect to complete the feat?
So this inner turmoil/debate is happening in my head during Spin class, the sweat from the intense intervals is mixing with tears. Was I seriously crying in Spin class? Why yes yes I was.
Cool kid award can be sent right here!
Now I wish this inner turmoil could just go away! Clearly me writing about it is my way to try and work through it. Since hey it rears its ugly head every time I sign up for my next big fitness goal.
But I own the fact that I am working on this and that it won't go away over night. It has been around for as long as I can remember.
That bugger named
When this little voice creeps in I just wanna yell: you're wrong!
It is a liar. I know I am nervous and anxious about tackling something so outside my comfort zone, but here's the thing - my comfort zone keeps expanding! I HAVE to keep looking outward or I will get stuck and complacent.
It's like the "old me" mindset is battling the "new me" mindset.
My $$$ is on the latter.
But in the meantime, I have to recognize the voice, allow the self doubt, but not let it take down my spirit or my drive.
There must be something in my subconscious that knows I will tackle any hurdle since I hit the "submit" button on the entry. :P
It is the same little voice that:
*pushed me through the door at Weight Watchers in November 2009
*understand I was worth happiness
*told me I needed to start this little slice of the internet
*I needed to share my story
*I could poke through the balloon that was my original comfort zone and keep expanding it
*moved my hand to sign up for 4 marathons (almost 5), half marathons, Dopey Challenge and my first triathlon
The little voice is there and getting louder. I just need to recognize that it is a process and I will have times where the little voice freaks out and the tears flow in the middle of a Spin class.
But in the end, the little voice won't lead me astray. It will lead me to the Finish Line ... and beyond!